Hoikuen

Look, look! This is Shuma's bento (lunch box) containing my very first attempt at hosomaki (thin sushi rolls). I've never felt the need to make sushi before, because living in Japan there is decent sushi everywhere (duh). But in July Shuma started going to hoikuen (daycare) and I had to make a bento for him, and he lost his appetite during the adjustment period and wouldn't eat his lunch. Didn't matter what I put in it, he wouldn't eat it.

He's a bit picky- he doesn't have any foods that he absolutely never ever will eat, but his tastes change frequently and he'll suddenly stop eating something he loved until yesterday. There are only two foods he will always always eat: kappamaki (cucumber sushi roll) and edamame (green soybeans). So I started including edamame in his bento, and lo and behold, he ate it. And since there are no take-out sushi shops that are open at 8:50am in my neighborhood, I had to learn to make kappamaki myself. And I did, and he ate it, and even now that he's used to hoikuen and eats pretty much whatever is in his bento, I still make it. Sadly my skill haven't improved- the rolls are still messy and uneven and prone to falling apart. I think I need to take a class or something.

So anyway, Shuma is in daycare. He goes to hoiku mama (home-based daycare) which is relatively rare in Japan and a bit different from Canada- only three kids per home are allowed, and only until age three (or more correctly, until the school year that they turn three). Hoiku mama is much easier to get into than regular public daycare, but is partially subsidized so is cheaper than private daycare. I was able to get in even though I didn't yet have a job, with the understanding that I'd find work within three months. I was able to pick up enough private English lessons to qualify in time, but I'm still only working part time and never would have qualified for regular hoikuen so I consider myself very lucky.

His caregiver (mama?) is great and although he had a few weeks of crying every morning at drop-off he loves her, and has made friends with the other two kids there (a one-year-old girl and a girl his age). His Japanese has improved immensely and he talks way more now, even in English. He takes a nap every day, which he has never done with me. He gets lots of activities and time at the park that he probably wouldn't get with me, and when I pick him up he is happy to see me and always in a good mood. It's so different than before he started, when we were both often grumpy much of the time.

I am not a supermom, and even with no job, just one child, and a low-maintenance husband I was having a hard time keeping things together. The house was always a mess, providing three meals a day was a challenge, and I was completely unable to keep Shuma busy and happy without losing my temper several times a day. Being together all day, every day was really taking a toll. I don't think it's natural for a child to spend every single moment of its life with its mother, especially after infancy, and I never wanted it to turn out that way- I always assumed I'd be working at least part time, and that Hideaki would be home more, that we'd use babysitters, that I'd be able to share babysitting with friends and in-laws. But no, instead my son and I were alone together all the time and driving each other crazy. He started hoikuen just in time.

It's been a bit of a learning curve for me, and not just the bentos. Hideaki did all the paperwork stuff when applying but once Shuma was in all the communication is up to me. Thankfully most of it is by text (I hate the phone to begin with, but phone calls in Japanese are pretty much the most stressful thing in the world for me), and somehow she seems to understand my awful Japanese. He needs to keep at least three changes of clothes there (she will change him the instant he sheds a drop of sweat or gets a molecule of dirt on his clothes) so I need to be doing laundry all the time to keep up. And then there's the renrakuchou (parent-teacher notebook?).

I thought the renrakuchou was the silliest thing when I first heard of it. I have to write down what he does at home (what time he sleeps, eats etc) and she does the same thing (what activities they do, what time he naps, when he has a snack, that sort of thing). I have to write down his temperature in the morning and she takes his temperature during the day (I'm sure I've mentioned before that the Japanse are obsessed with body temperature). There is a space for me to write anything of note (usually I leave it blank), and in her space she writes in detail about what he did. She usually shares little stories and sometimes includes pictures, like above. And there is a section on food, where she'll let me know if he ate his bento (including specifically what he did and didn't like) and what he had for snacks. Now that I'm used to it it's really helpful, and fun to know what he's up to. It's not much work to fill out, and mine is pretty basic (apparently some places have you fill out the weather, what mood your child is in, even if and when they poop).

It's kind of embarrassing to share this, as my handwriting is awful and I am using the wrong terms (since she understands my broken Japanese I've never bothered finding out the real words). And that he has such a late bedtime (we try for 8 but it often ends up being late like this night was). On this day he only ate one out of two onigiri (rice balls) and part of his side dishes (probably cheese, carrot sticks and edamame- I'm guessing he ate the edamame and left the rest). His temperature was a bit high, and she mentioned it to me at pick-up but we agreed since he was otherwise fine it wasn't anything to worry about (thankfully she is relaxed, I know some parents and teachers who would be worried about a 37C temp). Oh, and I put a bar over the eyes of the girl in the pic, it's not like that in the book. You can never be too careful with (other peoples') kids on the internet, and the Japanese especially are very sensitive about privacy.

Anyway, I am sure this is going to become a keepsake. Even now I love reading it, I especially like hearing the little stories. It's so cool to see him growing up into his own person, totally separate from me. I see things that I like to think he gets from me (his love of nature, recorded in the book as his excitement at seeing an especially large leaf or his glee at collecting acorns), I see things that are totally not from me (how he'll spend an entire hour at the park just running), and then I see milestones and regular growing-up kind of stuff (like when he gently holds his crying playmate's hand and says "let's play!"). I love it.

He is three now and the school year ends in March, so he only has five months left. From April he will either have to start regular hoikuen or youchien (kindergarten). I'm in the process right now of deciding (and it's a big decision, as it will be for the next three years). And while I'm sure we'll both get used to whichever place we choose, I wish he could stay with his hoiku mama.

Comments

[lil]

interesting about hoiku mama, I didn't know they had things like that there. Sounds lovely! Only 3 kids. Mine goes to a stiener nursery with only 6 kids and that's considered very small. maybe they have stiener schools there? (they probably cost a fortune though). The book thing is so awesome! It's so nice how they care so much about the home enviroment! it's so important for them to know these things because it's their other side of life! I like how they have acual hard copy books with images! The best thing for a mother I reckon, is seeing their kid without them in photos :D , another mother friend of mine said we should sell a business like that LOL, just free care but you pay for the download :D

I'm sure whatever he goes to later, it may seem like a big deal at the time, but he'd probably settle right back down. Good luck!

[Amy]

I don't have much to compare with, but it seems nice. I actually would prefer him to go to a bigger place with more kids, because his social skills need a little work and it would be a good exposure to the Japanese group mentality that he's definitely not getting at home. But here in Japan the ratio of daycare workers/teachers to kids is really good, so even at a big place he'd be getting a lot of time with the adults. I think it's a little different back home.

I'm not sure if there are any Steiner Waldorf nurseries or schools here, but I don't know too much about it. Not really crazy about the founder's original philosophies. I would love to send him to a Montessori school but there are none in the area and I've heard a lot of the schools in Japan are Montessori in name only.

[suzy]

I'm glad the daycare is working out for both of you! M (who just turned 3) has been doing 1 day a week in a similar-sounding home-based childcare since Easter and it has been GREAT for both of us. From January she will go to a preschool 2 days as well (or maybe instead - depending on how much I am working) - I think it will be good for her to have some more children to play with, but in the meantime the home-based care has been a really easy transition in to being looked after by someone else.

[Mariko]

Fascinating! You are brave. I can imagine how challenging it can be to navigate all the crazy Japanese school stuff!

[aelith]

I really enjoyed reading this, very interesting stuff. Thanks!

[Lulu]

Happy New year to you and your family. Big hugs for the very cute Shuma.